This is a photo of me last week. I’m putting it here, in this entry, because there’s something real in this photo. If you know what to look for.

Today I’m home with strep. I’ve been lying in bed most of the day, watching movies, sleeping, listening to music, sleeping, reading, sleeping, and thinking. I can’t really talk about all the things I thought about, but I thought a lot about life, and death, and love. The big stuff.

The other night I watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. That movie had such an effect on me the first time I saw it. I wanted to fly away that night, fly into the arms that I knew would hold me and love me. It was so strong… the sense of the urgency of life. It flies away from us so, so quickly. But by the time I got out of the theater, there were no more flights. I couldn’t have gone anyway, what with the 3-year-old, but I will never forget how strong that pull was. I wanted so badly not to be alone that night. Well, now the 3-year-old is an 8-year-old. And I’m still here. Just as alone, and just as far away from love as ever.

I love my life. I wouldn’t trade it. Not trying to be dramatic or anything. I just wanted to write a few paragraphs about something real. Hope that’s okay.

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